a small thought for today.

I have been going through so many pictures & files lately that my head is on overload, but my heart is full. I love pictures for that very reason... they take you back. They have so many memories JAMMED into one shot. I can remember in some of them what I was feeling when I took that picture.... What my kids said in that moment..   I do believe that time travel exists...  Just take a look in your pictures.

Walking through memory lane got me thinking about how FAST this life is going.... how fast my babies are growing..... Zach & I celebrate 5 years of marriage this August. I know. I know. We are still newlyweds. I just cannot believe that we have 5 years under our belt..... F I V E


I have always said that having Tristan made me A LITTLE more adventurous. O-kaaay. It really made me WATCH him be adventurous....... it made me LET HIM be adventurous.... He is only 3. SO I HAD to step up my game & head on out on an adventure with him.

I started thinking the other day about living for TODAY... you never know what choices you are making TODAY that will effect your TOMORROW. PA R E N T I N G . yep. i said it. EVERYTHING we do today...effects our kids tomorrow.

Choose wisely.
Your words you speak. (something i struggle with....i'm learning. )
I only have a little time with my children before they head on out of our house.
WE, as parents, have one chance to teach them that TODAY matters.

SO what new adventure are we off to do today?
What special moment will you share with your kid?

What will you speak into someones life?

Is it time to write an apology to someone?

If it time to FORGIVE and move past it.

Is it time to LOVE?

Show LOVE. Speak LOVE. HEAR love. Choose love.

xoxo

-b

Motherhood: Doubt.

I have always wanted children. I never thought about what kind of mom I wanted to be. 

I can remember when I first got asked the question..."Are you having a midwife or a doctor?"

Not soon after it was...

"Are you going to vaccinate or go the hippie route?"

I like to think of my self as a simple thinker.

simpler talker.

simple writer.

I know what I like..I know how I want to look. I know what I want people to remember me by. I know when I am wrong. I know when I accidentally just say things, not thinking before I speak. 

When I was pregnant with my firstborn- Tristan Micaiah. 

I felt for the 1st time since middle school....an all to familiar feeling.

DOUBT.

It flooded my foundation. 

I got overwhelmed by all the books people gave me.

I was being informed by all the informed. I felt anxious.... not sure how it was all going to come together. I remember thinking... "I don't know how I am going to mother." 

I let the doubts come in.

I let both opinions and view points come in..... & I let them shake me.

You see, 

I felt like I had "mastered" the part of my life where I was Beka: wife. sister. friend. worshipper. 

( looking back now -i wasn't even close) 

Then God pulled the rug from under my feet...... 

 I was given the  title... MOM. 

I remember when I first held Tristan- I felt LOVE. I felt scared. I felt this overwhelming feeling of.......GOD GAVE ME THIS CHILD TO TEACH. to nurture. 

God trusted me enough to give this son to Zach & I. TO speak into his life. 

I still feel overwhelmed by that privilege. I think that this is part of the reason why my post-partum was so dark and bad after Tristan's birth. 

I didn't know who I was. I didn't remember who I was & who was calling me. 

I didn't remember WHO gave me the title.....Mom. 

I am a mom to 3 beautiful children. I have given birth to 2 beautiful children & 1 baby that God has placed in our hands this past September, but on my heart 20 years ago. (story coming soon) I am still learning to lean on God when I am weak. Parenting is not for the weak, just like marriage, just like being single, just like this life....... But---- we are made for more. We are more than just people. We are eternal beings waiting to see the Glory of it all. 

I truly believe that America has spoiled our system.... Yes, we are a blessed country, but who said we have to be the mom that DOES IT ALL? Have you seen a picture of a mom that looks like she has it all together? I mean, the SISTER has her hairs did-makeup DONE-cute new shoes on her pedicured feet! 

Doubt is still trying on your heart when the Comparison brother shows up......

Doubt & Comparison are brothers..... of the same Mother ----> Insecurity. 

I am still learning what kind of mother I am. I am sure I will be learning for the rest of my life. 

 I think it comes with every new child, new season, new beautiful life lesson. 

I am learning that it is very important to remember who you are without your kids around. What did you do before potty training took over? What hobbies did you have? What did you and your friends do? Did you create something else besides kids? ;) Are you good at hosting parties? Are you a mean chef? 

Tell me....

what would you do with a day to yourself? 

would you lay the hot glue gun out? 

turn on every curling iron you have and whirl them around?

Would you bring out every piece of junk food?

Would you go for a run?

Go inside the restaurant instead of the friendly drive thru?

Sleep in?

Be sure you remember who you are. 

Take time for you.

No, not selfish, It's needed to have your family THRIVE.

DISCLAIMER:

I, like many mommy bloggers, blog only what I am dealing with. Please know that what I write out is on my heart. We are all in this together. 

xoxo.

Be still.

We have had the bug in our house for the past week-ish. (don't you love when people add ISH to everything? I sure do. It gives the English language a whole new depth. As you can see, I am not the grammar police. How can I say that I am when I use the words.........

bahahahhahahah

lol

ish.

........................

a little too much.

(you should see me use EMOJI's)

Moving on....

 There have been a hand full of times today where I have thought of these 2 words.

"be still."

Here is where my heart is.

Books. Edit pictures. Watch a movie that is something other than Disney or... PIXAR. For the Love of JOEY AND ALL HIS FRIENDS...... anything with REAL PEOPLE............

But..honestly-truly ........... is that being "still?"

I was convicted today.

Convicted by the question...

HAVE I TAUGHT MY KIDS how to be still?

To not have an electronic in my hands......

or on my lap or at my desk.....

Remote.

phone.

ipad.

ipod.

computer.

(yes.laptop)

But something that is ENGAGING us to come together and to BE STILL together?

The girls were trying to catch up on some much needed sleep from being so sick...

It was Tristan and myself.

So we laid down on Livia's couch.....

We talked. laughed.

snored.

ya know.

we stayed in one spot. 

BREATHED in each other's company.....

Sigh.

there is something always to learn in this life. I will never have it all together, no matter what my good hair day tells me.

I sure enjoy learning all these new things.....

Another reason to blog.

To enjoy the process. 

He wanted to hold up "3" because he is 3. obviously. 

We are still in recovery tonight, but all babies are asleep. 

at the same time.

*heavens angels are SAAAANGin" 

Practice tomorrow to BE STILL.

I mean, after all... It's Sunday.