Monday, March 21, 2011

Slacking.

That word comes to mind with my blog....

Other things too, but mostly......... it's been a whirlwind of a month!

TOP NEWS for me:

I have 6 weeks left until baby Livia arrives.

My feet are not swollen.

My husband is a very good house cleaner.

Spinach dip is my obsession.... okay... anything spinach-y.

Heartburn is really setting in..... I hope she has lots of hair!



In times like these........... I look to humor........

I mean it. We have 6 weeks left....... Waddling is an understatement and sleep is an every 5 hour event.

Here are some jokes I found online...

So... Here I sit in my recliner with my favorite new PJ's....... & my spinach dip...........

I raise my glass of water on the rocks to my pregnant friends out there!!

HERE'S TO YOU!




Should I have a baby after 35?
~No, 35 children are enough.

Can a mother get pregnant while nursing?
~Yes, but it’s much easier if she removes the baby from her breast and puts him to sleep first.

My husband and I are very attractive. I’m sure our baby will be beautiful enough for commercials. Whom should I contact about this?
~Your therapist.

I’m two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
~With any luck, right after he finishes high school.

How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu?
~If it’s the flu, you’ll get better.

Since I became pregnant, my breasts, rear-end, and even my feet have grown. Is there anything that gets smaller during pregnancy?
~Yes, your bladder.

What is the most common pregnancy craving?
~For men to be the ones who get pregnant.

What is the most reliable method to determine a baby’s sex?
~Childbirth.

The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile at me. Why?
~‘Cause you’re fatter than they are.

My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she’s borderline irrational.
~So what’s your question?

What’s the difference between a nine-month pregnant woman and a model?
~Nothing, if the pregnant woman’s husband knows what’s good for him.

I normally wear a size 34-C bra. Now that I’m pregnant, should I continue to wear a bra?
~Not if you don’t mind switching in the future to a size 34-Long.

Ever since I’ve been pregnant, I haven’t been able to go to bed at night without onion rings. Is this a normal craving?
~Depends on what you’re doing with them.

Do I have to have a baby shower?
~Not if you change the baby’s diaper very quickly.


My childbirth instructor says it’s not pain I’ll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
~Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

When is the best time to get an epidural?
~Right after you find out your pregnant.

How long is the average woman in labor?
~Whatever she says, divided by two.

Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?
~Not unless the word “alimony” means anything to you.

What does it mean when the baby’s head is crowning?
~It means you feel as though not only a crown but the entire throne is trying to make its way out of you.

What are forceps?
~Giant baby tweezers.

Does labor cause hemorrhoids?
~Labor causes anything you want to blame it for.

I’m modest. Once I’m in the hospital to deliver, who will see me in that delicate position?
~Authorized personnel only - doctors, nurses, orderlies, photographers, florists, cleaning crews, journalists, etc.


What does it mean when a baby is born with teeth?
~It means that the baby’s mother may want to rethink her plans to nurse.


8 comments:

  1. ohhhhh myyy gooodnesssssss! I laughed my way through this post... HYSTERICALLY! loved those jokes. toooooo funny! you had me crying over here!

    enjoy your last 6 weeks lady! i hope you can get some rest... those last weeks can be hard but also so fun and full of expectation! how wonderful that Z is cleaning the house for you! what a good hubby!

    ooo i just can't wait to see the gorgeous pictures you'll take of lovely Livia!!!

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  2. Hilarious, and I'm not even a momma!

    Keep smiling:) you're almost there!

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  3. hahahah :) Cracked me up!
    Can't wait to see little Livia! Love, love love the name btw :)

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  4. The jokes were funny, but the best line was "I raise my glass of water on the rocks to you pregnant ladies out there." HAHAHAHAHHAHA

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  5. HUMOR helps anything to move quickly!!! LOVE the jokes :) Hang in there...YOUR almost there!

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  6. YOU ARE SOOO FUNNY BOO! I love it. 6 weeks will go sooooooo fast :) I CANT WAIT TO SEE HER!

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  7. oh so so so so so so funny!! Oh and heartburn..ugh....

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  8. HILARIOUS.

    I am due aug 7th.

    we found a doula and midwife we like and trust. we are having a homebirth.

    ;) thanks for your comment on my blog. Sadly, I had an extensive birth plan also with my 1st. The birth plan went out the window though.... this time will be different!

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Thanks for leaving some LOVE. :)