Sunday, June 13, 2010

Healing the Heart & Mind.

Meet Eliza.
FACT:
She is my "niece."
She is my best friend's baby girl.
She is a DOLL.
She is thee most expressive little girl I have EVER MET.
She makes me laugh OUT LOUD when she does her faces.
She could have a calendar of all her faces.

More to Come on her session.
Be sure to click
for my photography blog.

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MEET Melissa.

We went to MASTER's Together.

We lead worship together at Master's.





We were the  Best of Friends. :) 

F.F. to today.... :) 

She is here with her husband & his WORSHIP band.
He now leads worship for the YOUTH Conference at Kansas City.
The Remnant Band from Kansas City is here this weekend. They are leading worship tonight for our church. I am EXTREMELY excited to see what GOD is going to do tonight! I have been feeding these (7) boys + Melissa + a baby this weekend. I have been catching up with Melissa & it was a NEEDED catch up.
We went to Master's Commission together and had the BEST OF TIMES. We were HOUSE mates and loved each other always even in our ROUGH times.

..............
........
About to get personal.
Grab your coffee cup & sip away while reading.... 


Have you ever had a miscommunication with a friend?
That makes you not talk to them for a while?

Well, after I was done with my 3rd year in Master's... the easiest way to say it is like this.....

"I was not Beka."
Have you ever been so hurt by someone said that it crippled the way you thought?
Have you ever been so hurt by someone that you didn't want to speak LIFE?
Have you ever been so hurt by what someone did to you that you become numb?

I have. 
In that season of life...

I was a different person. I wasn't very pleasant to be around. I would say ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING that would come to my mind. I was a bitter. bitter. bitter. bitter person. I was surrounding myself with OTHER bitter people that would poison the way I was thinking and feeling.
They would not get me out of my dump.
I was engaged at that time, so you can IMAGINE who got the most of this FULL TUNDRA of Beka.
Zach. :( 

No. Melissa was not the one to hurt with her words that made me SO BITTER. 
But it effected our friendship.
We BOTH were going through something sooooo dark and deep that we could not see clearly.

Anyone that would "put me down" (in my mind i thought they were anyway) would get a LASHING from me. I wouldn't let anyone ever speak to me with "the tone."
I would let them know how I felt in that moment.
I was a very bitter person.
I was WRONG.

When God began to heal me of my bitterness & numb spirit..... I began to see who I was hanging around and how it was effecting me for the worst. 
I began to see the HATEFUL words coming out of my mouth.
I looked in the mirror and saw a girl that has always KNOWN who she was in HIM, but now... on this "lost trail" was fighting to believe her favorite color was pink. 
I didn't know WHO I was in HIM anymore.

I wept.

God began to RESTORE LIFE into my spirit.
I could worship again.
I wasn't feeling watched or judged by other people....
WHICH I am sure I wasn't before... but in my SCREWED up thinking....
I WAS AND THEY HAD NO RIGHT TO DO THAT.
WHO WERE THEY TO JUDGE AND WATCH ME?!
oh dear.

I needed to take my thoughts CAPTIVE and MAKE THEM obedient to Christ.
I wrote on 3x5 cards SCRIPTURE VERSES ABOUT THOUGHTS.

"A simple man believes anything, but a WISE man gives thought to his steps."
-Proverbs 14:15
"The Lord know the thoughts of man; he knows that they are futile."
-Psalm 94:1
"The lord detests the thoughts of the wicked, but those of the PURE are pleasing to HIM."
-Proverbs 15:26
"Search me, Oh God, & know my heart; TEST ME and know my anxious thoughts."
-Psalm 139:23
"For the WORD OF GOD is living and ACTIVE. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to the dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow, it judges the THOUGHTS and attitudes of the heart."
-Hebrews 4:12


I guess, my questions are these....

What are you letting steal your JOY away?

A relationship? A friendship? A parent? A job?

Why are you letting BITTERNESS take over your heart & thoughts?
It's the "easier" way...
I don't want to talk to that "friend that hurt me or I don't want to be the one to go and FIX things with that person.....
THEY CAN COME TO ME!!!!


Let me tell you this....

I had to go to my dear friend- Melissa and ask her to forgive me.
I wasn't the friend she needed.
SHE was going through the SAME thing I was.
She was hurt by someone OTHER than me.
She was lonely.
She was feeling ATTACKED.

All we needed to do was TALK. IT. OUT.
Forgive.
MOVE ON.

Last July... I was told to find "RESTORATION IN WORSHIP."

That is what I am doing this year.
2010.
Finding people & things in my life that I need to let HIM restore.

What are some things you need to let GOD restore in your life?
What friends do YOU need to take the step and say I am sorry to?

What wrongs do you need to make right with YOUR parents?

FACT:

Words hurt people.
Words STICK WITH PEOPLE.
Words are a POWERFUL thing.


So, use them to BRING LIFE and not destroy.

Love people. 
Love people with your words.

Hope this helps and encourages someone out there.
It felt good to say it all. 



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8 comments:

  1. Last night S and I got into a very heated argument and I said many many hurtful things...
    I needed this today Miss Beka. I am a big ol' teary mess... thank you. I'm going to sit and think about this awhile but just know that this post - was exactly what I needed and I am sure that there are other people that you are going to touch with your amazing words. You are truly an inspiration.

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  2. Wow Beka... thank u. I know Beka. Words are powerful!

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  3. Such a beautiful post! It was one that I def. needed to hear. Thank you. Love the the new layout!

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  4. OH. MY. ADORABLE. haha love this!

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  5. WHAT A GREAT POST, BEKA!! SO real and vunerable. I truly loved it. I am so glad that you and Melissa could come back to the friendship you had known and loved.

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  6. very powerful Beka! I love the line "bring life not destroy it" so insightful!

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