Sunday, April 25, 2010

No, ME. Me. Me.

There are times in my life where I have dealt with jealousy. 

nipped that. 


There are times in my life when I have felt depressed.

conquered that.

There are times in my life where I have FELT anxiety CRAWL on my back.

Sang that off of me. 

There are times where I have felt all alone.

Got over that.

There are still times where I feel overwhelmed.

still working on this.


This past weekend, God showed me so much about my character. Things I have conquered. Things I still need to work on. Things I need to keep to myself. Things I need to speak up about.

I am a very sensitive person. WORDS. DO. HURT. ME. When someone doesn't talk to me---> I take offense to it and think I have done something wrong. If a friend does not write back on my FACEBOOK wall--> I am sad & think they are upset with me.

SENS.i. tive. = Beka

COMPLETELY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Something I am telling myself right now in this moment........ this NEW season of my life....

"IT. IS. NOT. ABOUT. YOU."

Being a mom. the 1st thing to go(other than sleep) is YOUR needs.
YOU HAVE to put your baby 1st.
Some people might not get that.
Some people do NOT understand that YOUR stressed out and FREAKING OUT b/c your baby is on OVERLOAD........
Get over it, Beka......(yes I am talking to myself in this moment!)
Some people will never understand... so YOU, BEKA, need to move on... and CARE ABOUT YOUR BABY!!!

**SPEAKING TO THE MOMS FOR A MOMENT:
When your baby cries, goes into a state of PANIC.....

what is your reaction?

A. Calmly pick him/her up and begin to sing.
B. Start to do a little jig and SING A LITTLE LOUDER.
C. START TO CRY WITH THE BABY.
D. OUT CRY THE BABY....
E. All of the above, in that order.

Good, I am "E" too! Although, sometimes... honestly.... I go straight to D. 

There is something about your babies CRY........ that just makes you want to go PUNCH through a crowd to try and get to your baby. When he/she cries.... a sense of ANXIETY comes over you.
Now, if you have a baby like mine...WHO is what I like to call "High Energy", but the doctor's like to call it "High Maintenance!" ;)  His cry.... triples the effect on me.

As I speak, I am letting him cry it out for bedtime. (LOOONG weekend + WAY OFF his schedule = trying to get back to normal!)

 I had to have SOME SORT OF RELEASE... so here I sit &  blog.

It has been a LOOOONG week. There are times when I feel all my anxieties & fears & depression creepin' their way back up on me.

But... That is when I remember my God.
You mother's out there that are dealing with this... NEED TO KNOW---

YOU ARE NOT ALONE....

Meredith Andrews, is one of my NEW favorites!

Listen to---------> THIS!

I sing this.......................................
ALL. DAY!

A little sidenote:
Meredith was asking the Lord one day to make her less selfish....
next week.. she found out she is expecting a baby! :)

:) :) :) :)

I hope this song lifts your spirits.

3 comments:

  1. Mere is one of my favorites too! Seriously! Ever since like the beginning of 2009. Her new CD is incredible. Someday, I will meet these twitter women (Francessca Batestelli is now expecting her first babe too).

    Thank you for this post Beka! Your vulnerability is inspiring. Although I am not at this point yet, I am selfishly in LOVE with my dearest hubby... but I know that god is going to do a HUGE work in me when the "children" season comes!

    BLESSINGS!!!! Praying that it gets better with T and his sleep schedule back on track! Love!

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  2. oh lady!!! i am a so sensitive gal myself...i take everything personally...working on that!!!

    and as for giving up yourself when you have babies...it's a most definite you have to...and i love that fact about meredith...funny how He works His ways...

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  3. I LOVE Meredith Andrews "You're Not Alone." I am soooooooooooooooooooo sensitive. I'm right there with you. I totally understand. I try not to, but I take so many things to heart...I'm working on it though :) Such a good post.

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Thanks for leaving some LOVE. :)